


is it my heart?

by moonjaeh



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Ghosts, Happy Ending, Highschool AU, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Or not, Sadness, Supernatural Elements, ghost - Freeform, ghost au, happiness, hehe, hehehehe, i promise heh, ill update tags, its a sad fic but, lets see, mental health, one sided chanlix, or - Freeform, side minbin, stray kids - Freeform, theyre teenagers, two boys in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27060844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonjaeh/pseuds/moonjaeh
Summary: Felix is the new kid in town. Jeongin is the ghost in town. What more is there to say?(Felix and his family move to South Korea. During his struggles at school, Felix finds himself falling into anxiety and depression until he finds a cold and jumpy boy named Jeongin.)
Relationships: Lee Felix & Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Minho | Lee Know & Seo Changbin, lee know - Relationship
Comments: 11
Kudos: 24





	1. Stay

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi ! sorry if there are any mistakes, i haven't proof read yet. i was too impatient ;-;
> 
> also not everything is factually correct but duh it's an AU so hehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi ! before you read i want to put some possible warnings
> 
> felix struggles with anxiety and thoughts like that  
> jeongin is a ghost, so there may be mentions of death / hospitals / illness
> 
> please just keep these in mind. i don't think i write in a way that would make these two things triggering but if these are triggers for you, please just know that.

His cheeks hurt, skin scratched from wiping his sleeve on there over and over. Eventually he gives up and lets the tears fall. He no longer wipes them away. He sobs, choking on the build-up of mucus in his throat as the sound echoes through the building. He leans back against the cold stone wall, eyes falling closed. His sobs became softer, breath shaky as he tried to calm down. It was hard being the new kid at school. It was even harder being the new kid from a different country. It was hardest that he was the new kid from a different country that couldn’t speak the new countries language. He's failing to make friends, understand the work and overall adjust to a new life. He puts on a smile for his parents when he gets home, assuring them he had a great day and made loads of friends, but in all honesty, none of that is true. That’s why he comes here. To this abandoned, shitty and cold building two streets away from his home. He spends almost an hour or two here after school feeling sorry for himself and crying. Wishing he were better and wishing he was stronger. 

It’s been almost a month now since he has started coming here. It’s starting to be his favourite place in South Korea. He had many favourite places back in Australia. His best friend’s house, the pools, even school was a favourite place of his. But somehow in South Korea, he finds it hard to even enjoy being in his own home. But again, he thinks about how he has to be strong. For his family. 

He wipes his eyes one more time, wincing at the sting of his cheeks. He leans over and pulls his water bottle from his bag and drinks almost half it in one go, attempting to hydrate his dry yet sticky throat. He stuffs it back into his bag, and as he is zipping the bag back up, he sees something move out of the corner of his eyes. He lets the bag drop from his hands as he whips his head around, trying to chase the shadow. Shakily, he stands. He rubs his eyes, trying to tell if the tears sitting in his eyes are making him imagine things. He slowly walks around, eyes searching the room.

“Hello?” He calls out in English, throat hoarse. 

Another shadow catches the corner of his eye and he rapidly turns his body around. This time he saw slightly more than a shadow. A proper silhouette. Of a boy. Felix’s heart begins to race, anxiety filling him up. Is it someone from school? Have they come to bully him? Though Felix has had trouble fitting in, he has yet to be bullied and he preferred if it wasn’t going to happen. The silhouette moves again and Felix shouts with it. 

“Hello? Who are you? What do you want?” He silently curses himself for not saying it in Korean, as if the person that is stalking him would speak English. 

His hands begin to shake. Will he need to stand up for himself? Use violence? Even in self-defence, fighting someone would definitely ruin the reputation he barely has. This time, he catches the silhouette for longer, and watches him walk behind the stone wall Felix had just been leaning on. Felix runs behind the wall after him, heart pounding when he sees a boy standing back towards him, in the middle of the room. The boy stands there not moving. He is around the same height as Felix, though his hair is dark, and he seems thinner. He seems to be wearing a uniform, maybe the same as Felix’s if he were to turn around and give him a better look. One fist is balled up, the boy either angry or holding something inside it. Felix sucks in a deep breath and steps forward, mustering up the courage to say something. As he begins to speak, the boy turns around and stares at Felix. 

“Can’t I stay? Please, make me stay.” The boy pleads, before disappearing into thin air. 

Felix’s knees buckle and he falls to the ground, his head snapping up to search for the boy in disbelief. Where did he go? How could this be possible? Was Felix imagining it this whole time?  
He grabs his chest and tries to catch his breath, closing his eyes and frowning. When his breathing is calmer, he cautiously opens his eyes, searching the room for any boy. He sees no one is there and slowly gets back up, walking around the wall and grabbing his bag. He swings it over his shoulder and begins to leave the building, looking over his shoulder one more time to give one more chance to not doubt his mind. When he sees no boy, he shakes his head and leaves, deciding the excessive amount of crying is doing something to his mental health. 

He begins walking home and though he tries to clear his mind, he can’t stop thinking about the boy and his words. Felix was right; the boy was thinner than him and had hair of similar length, though it was ink black and contrasting Felix’s silver. He had a thin face too, cheek bones almost hollow, with sharp fox-like eyes and a wide mouth. He looked so cold and so empty. Now that Felix imagines him, he wants to reach out. To comfort the boy. Maybe because he knows that's what he looks like to other people. Helpless and full of pain. Felix wants to help. Felix wants to make him stay; whatever that even means. But that's only if the boy is even real… But he wasn’t and he needs to believe that. Felix shook his head, attempting to rid his head of any further thoughts and keeps his head clear for the rest of the walk. 

✧ 

When Felix gets home, his parents ask him the same questions they always do. ‘How was your day? Lots of work? Many new friends?’ And occasionally, ‘we told you Korea would be better for you!’. To that, Felix would squint his eyes and give them the biggest smile he can. He would answer simply and before they could ask for specifics, he would run down the hall to the bathroom to shower. Dinner talk didn’t usually concern what happened on Felix's day, usually about his parents instead, so he didn’t have to worry about lying anymore that day. Though he knew they would want some kind of further information or proof soon enough, Felix would wait for that time to come. 

As he strips off his shirt, he looks forward at the mirror, flinching when he thinks he sees a shadow beside him. The boy’s face flashes in his mind and something pangs in Felix. He shakes his head for the second time that day and removes the rest of his clothes before entering the shower. 

When he finishes his shower, he picks at his dinner then attempts to do some homework. Three hours later and a google translate check every minute, he decides he’s done and flops down onto his bed. He unlocks his phone and reads through his notifications. Messages from old friends back in Sydney pile up on each other, yet Felix doesn’t feel the same excitement he usually would. He reads over them but doesn’t reply. He sighs and wishes more than anything else in the world that he could be back home with them. He switches his phone off when he hears the creak of his door opening, his Mum’s face peeking in. 

“Hi baby, what’re you doing?” She asks with a smile on her face.

Felix shakes his head, “Nothing. Just did homework. Why?”

She walks further into his room, Felix sitting up as she does. She softly sits down at the end of his bed and places a hand on his foot. He raises an eyebrow as he waits for her to tell him why she's suddenly entered. It’s not like they aren’t close, but it's clear she has something to say and it's just a little frustrating waiting for her to begin. 

“I was on my lunch break today and one of my co-workers came over and talked to me. We were talking about our children and I found out she is also from Australia!” 

Felix’s stomach leaps at that. Someone else from Australia? That his mum knows?

“She has a few kids; one of the sons is around your age but a bit older. Anyway, that’s great and all but she told me that when they first came to Korea, they had some trouble fitting in and I know you don’t but, she told me her son found swimming to be a great way to relax, and to make friends! Isn’t that great? You loved swimming back home! She gave me the address of the place and I think we should check it out. What do you think?” Finally, her rant ends, and Felix doesn’t know what to think.

He feels slightly bad, that she is oblivious to his struggle… But something tells him she knows more than she leads on. He thinks for a moment and decides it wouldn’t be that bad. He does miss swimming and he doesn’t necessarily have to talk to anyone if he doesn’t want to. He nods and smiles.

“Okay Mum.” 

She claps her hands together and smiles.

“I’m so glad. That’s great Lix.”

She reaches out and cups his cheek. 

“Now get some sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

And with that she kisses his forehead and leaves the room. Felix lays back on the bed, letting a big sigh out from his body. His head begins to tighten as a headache comes on. Too much thinking for one day. He sighs again and turns off his light before getting under the covers for the rest of the night. 

Felix wakes the next day and Saturday has come. Back in Australia, he would spend this day by going out with his friends or being dragged to a family friend’s event; like a birthday party for a kid that he never even knew existed. These days… Well, these days he just spends the whole weekend inside, eating and watching YouTube. It’s not like this wasn’t normal for kids around his age but for him it was a clear change. His parents suggested for him to go out to an amusement park with his new friends, or to invite them over to their home, but every time Felix would tell them they were too busy with school or family plans. They never doubted his words and just gave him things to do at home instead. He did think about going outside on his own, to the park or a PC room, but each time he left the apartment, his anxiety would kick in. So here he is today, laying on the couch with his head propped up against the arm rest and legs under a wool blanket. He’s been watching dance performances by The Boyz almost all day, with the occasional Overwatch gameplay, but overtime it began to get boring. Felix switched off the tv and lay on his back, facing the ceiling. His thoughts drifted off, as did the rest of him, almost escaping to dream land when he hears a voice call out to him. 

“Will you stay?” It whispers.  
He shoots up in his seat, eyes wide and heart racing. Before he knows it, he’s fumbling to put a jumper on while shoving his feet into the first shoes he sees. Without grabbing his phone or keys, he runs out the home and flies down the apartment complex stairs, until he’s out in the cool air. He takes a moment to collect himself, suddenly being hit with the reality of what he is doing. He looks down at his jumper that only one arm is through, his shorts with holes splayed oddly, and his feet that hang out of his shoes. What was he thinking? Felix turns to go inside when he hears the voice call out to him again, stopping him in his tracks.  
“Please stay.”  
He runs his hands through his hair, wondering what is making him hear these ridiculous things. Yet, another part of him lets him know that its ok and to trust his gut. So he does. Felix turns back around and begins walking to the abandoned building he became good friends with, ready to face who he thinks is the owner of the voice.  
✧ 

As he stands outside the rundown building, he feels the air get colder and it sends chills down his spine, causing him to cough. This cannot be a good feeling, Felix thinks. Nevertheless, he enters the building with all the courage he has left to muster. In the back of his mind, he believes the boy won’t even be there. That it was a one-time coincidental hallucination. Though, as Felix walks towards the stone wall he had been leaning on just yesterday, he gets a feeling his mind is wrong. He turns the corner, and his breath catches in his throat as he sees a small black figure in the corner of the room, a humming sound echoing throughout it. He shakily takes a few steps forward, until the figure becomes more clear and he can tell it’s the boy from yesterday. He squats; head in his arms; his skinny and pale arms that wrap around his skinny and pale legs. Felix notices he’s still in the same uniform from yesterday. Felix takes another step forward, this time stepping on a stone and causing it to flick forwards, creating sound as it runs across the concrete. The boy’s head snaps up and they make eye contact, the hair on the back of Felix’s neck sticking up. The boy stares, eyes wide, the black of his pupil and iris almost covering all white. His mouth is long and straight, not showing any other emotion. Felix feels so cold. So exposed.

They stare at each other for what feels like forever until the boy stands, his legs wobbling as he does. His expression doesn’t change as he walks towards Felix, not breaking eye contact until he stands only a few centimetres away. Felix thinks that he should be able to feel heat coming off the boy, maybe his breath or even just the feeling that someone is standing in front of him. Instead, he feels the same cold air he felt when he stood in front of the building. He stares into the boy’s eye, searching for some answers to his ongoing questions that never seem to end but instead of getting an answer, another question pops up. When he looks into the boy’s eyes, all he sees is black. Which seems normal but there’s light in this room and Felix expects to see some sort of reflection in the boy’s eyes. Instead, they are dull. Almost matte. Nothing to be shown. Felix can feel his chest begin to hurt as his heart beats hard against the cages that are meant to protect him. What does he even do at this point? 

“Hi.” The boy says, breaking the silence. 

Felix flinches and stumbles backwards, face flushing red in embarrassment almost immediately. All he said was hi, I think you can calm down, Felix thinks. He fixes his posture and scratches at the back of his neck as he walks back towards the boy. Said boy doesn’t take his eyes off Felix as he walks towards him, as if waiting for a reply.

“Hello,” Felix replies, almost the first time he’s spoken Korean to someone around his age since he made the move here. 

Felix searches for something to say to the strange boy in front of him. 

Before he gets the chance, he speaks first. “What’s your name?” 

Felix puts on a smile. “Felix! Ah, um Yongbok.” He says nervously, correcting his mistake quickly. 

The boy reflects his smile. It’s wide and shows teeth. Braces, Felix notices. 

“Felix.” The boy repeats, though he says it with a Korean accent. 

Felix feels warm suddenly, thinking over how he had ignored the Korean name and went for what he had initially said. It wasn’t much but it was the first nice thing that had been said to him since he got here. Even if he hadn’t said much at all. 

“I’m Jeongin. How old are you?” 

Jeongin, Felix thinks. It’s a nice name.

“Sixteen. How old are you?” 

Jeongin smiles at his answer, replying with a small ‘me too’. 

He is thankful to be able to understand these simple sentences, but nervous on how he will ever carry a conversation past this point. Felix wants to ask him more questions but suddenly there’s a noise and when Felix turns to look where it came from, Jeongin has already left, leaving him to stand there. Felix sighs, not wanting to bother chasing after him. Instead he sits; up against the same concrete wall from last time and wonders how Jeongin gets away so quick in the first place. He leans his head against his arms and waits for the boy to come back, if he even will. His eyes scan the room, coming to focus on the corner Jeongin was sitting in originally. The small space seems to be darker than the rest of the room, despite the empty windows that the sun shines through. It’s especially dirty too, brown from dirt and covered in spider webs and yet that’s where Jeongin had been sitting. At the bottom of the corner, something small and light manages to stick out in the darkness as it lays on the ground. Felix pushes himself up and walks towards the corner. As he walks closer, he figures out it’s a ring that’s on the floor. A thick silver band with something engraved in it. He squats and reaches to pick it up, but a pale and skinny hand quickly makes its way into Felix’s view as it snatches up the ring first. It catches Felix by surprise, and he falls backwards onto his butt. He laughs when he sees it’s just Jeongin, somehow feeling comforted by this stranger he just met. Jeongin holds the ring in his fist, by his side, as he looks down at Felix with a frown on his face.

“I’m sorry for scaring you suddenly. This… This is mine though. Sorry.”

Felix shakes his head and starts to stand up. 

“It’s okay. Don’t worry.” He mumbles out with a smile.

Though he wants to express that it really is okay, but his limited language skills don’t allow that and instead he sounds like a 3-year-old Korean kid. He feels embarrassed. Jeongin’s frown disappears as Felix speaks, and he shoves the ring into his pocket, which reminds the boy about one of his questions. 

“Why the school uniform?” Felix asks and instantly regrets it as the smile that had only just appeared, had already turned into a frown again. 

“Sorry!” Felix shouts, hating himself on the inside. 

The first possible friend he makes and he’s ruining everything. His chest begins to pound as he replays his embarrassment over and over and before he knows it he’s repeating his actions from earlier. He doesn’t stop running until he is in his room, pressed up against the wall, panting and on the verge of tears.

“Felix, baby?” He hears his Mum call.

Fuck, he thinks. He was so wrapped up in his head he didn’t notice that his parents had come home and obviously saw him on the verge of an attack running through the house and into his room. This sudden confrontation doesn’t help his anxiety and he tries his hardest to calm down, attempting to hold his breath as he pulls at his hair. When his Mum begins to knock on his door, he manages to speak, even if his voice shakes.

“Yeah, mum?” 

A few seconds pass before she replies, as if she is taking the time to think about what to say.

“Is everything okay?” She asks and Felix can hear the concern dripping in her voice.

“Yeah! Yeah, of course. I just went for a run and the adrenaline,” he fakes a laugh.

“The adrenaline didn’t let me stop. Sorry!” He lies. 

Longer than before, almost a minute passes before she replies. She laughs too, and he can’t tell if it’s fake or not but she seems to accept it this time. 

“Okay crazy head. Have a shower before dinner, okay?” 

“Okay.”

He waits for her to leave, banging his head on the door when she finally does. As he leans his head against the door, he looks down at his feet. He isn’t even wearing runners, instead mismatched slippers. His mum knows he only wears these shorts at home and god, his jumper isn’t even on properly. He groans and hopes she didn’t notice his clothes, though at the back of his mind he knows she did. Lifting away from the door, he runs his hands over his face, feeling that his cheeks are wet. He must have cried at some point without noticing. Felix decides he should have a shower, to clean his face but to also try and rid the nerves that are running through his veins at lightning speed. He feels it from his calves to his neck and it’s suffocating him. If you ever wondered what one of those massage chairs that vibrates feels like, its what I feel like right now, minus the wanting to vomit, Felix thinks. He grabs new, proper clothes and escapes to the bathroom. As he enters the shower, and manages to calm down, guilt washes over him. He had completely left Jeongin there because he thought he hurt him and instead of making it better, freaked out and left. I’ll just go back tomorrow and fix things, Felix thinks. If he’ll even be there. He sighs and continues to wash; not wanting to think about it anymore. 

After dinner finishes, he quickly washes the dishes with his dad and rushes to his bedroom. He pulls out his laptop and a spare notebook he hasn’t found a use for at school yet. He looks through his emails from his mum until he finds the one with Korean learning resources she had sent him a few weeks ago when she thought he had maybe been struggling. They had been an English-speaking family at home and even now they still speak English at home, assuming he would learn Korean enough at school and with the new friends he had been lying about making. 

He ended up sleeping at 4am, though not on his bed and instead at his desk, on top of his notebook now full of as many notes on Korean he could fit before his eyes and mind gave up on him. He wasn’t going to make a fool of himself or hurt Jeongin the next time he spoke to him.


	2. Pick Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little A/N that this chapter will be slightly shorter than the first but that's because it will be uploaded into two different parts! so this will be chapter 2 part 1 and then chapter 2 part 2 will come asap :) sorry for the inconvenience and thanks for reading!

Felix found himself studying the whole weekend, from morning to night, neglecting any YouTube or games he would usually glue himself to. Since it was Sunday, both his parents were at home, and anytime he needed to talk to them, he would begin in Korean. At first, they were confused and replied in English, which only earned a cross of arms and furrowed eyebrows from Felix until they got the hint and began replying in Korean back. Of course, his Mum asked where the sudden language change came from, to which Felix’s ears flushed red and he stuttered out that he had a test coming up, before stumbling back into his room. He watched variety shows on his laptop while writing notes to see what he could understand. Though it was only less than 24 hours, he felt that he could at least understand a couple of minutes of conversation before, he assumed, Jeongin or Felix would run away again. It was going to go smoothly, and Felix would make sure of it. He would make this boy his friend. 

When Monday morning came and Felix’s alarm rang, a pool of dread quickly filled his empty stomach. He had completely winded himself up in his study that he forgot to do his real work, and that eventually his days of crying would have to come back for it’s routine. Dragging his feet, he began his morning routine of eating food prepared by his Mum, by himself, and making himself look presentable, though his looks would go ignored anyway. A quarter through his walk to school, he noticed that he usually walks past the abandoned building in the morning, as he does in the afternoon. He mentally slaps himself for not being smart enough for noticing the first time. I mean, it’s a huge, scary building right in front of your face, Felix thinks. He shakes the thoughts away as he walks past it, chills running through his body, becoming a hello from the building to him. He stops walking for a moment, wondering if perhaps Jeongin was inside. He wouldn’t be though, right? He would be going to school too. Which reminds Felix that Jeongin had been wearing the same uniform as him, meaning they go to the same school. The corners of Felix’s mouth perk up, some of that pool of dread draining from his stomach. How could he forget? He looks away from the building and continues walking back to school, a tinge of excitement in his step. 

Throughout the day, he scans his class for the familiar face; failing to find it. Similarly, at lunch, he searches again but fails. Searching for this boy distracted him from the usual feeling of loneliness and pain he feels, but it’s only replaced with frustration and disappointment. He hangs his head low until last period, cursing himself for being so foolish. It confuses him when he thinks about their identical uniform, though it seems Jeongin is nowhere to seem. Felix sighs, it’s probably because he simply didn’t look hard enough, or by chance he took today off. It doesn’t matter. As his class nears its end, his phone buzzes in his pocket. After checking for any quiet eyes that may catch him, he pulls his phone out to unlock it under his desk. His screen glows with a message notification from his Mum. 

‘Meeting with lady from work and her son today. Love you Lixie!’

His cruellest enemy anxiety comes to visit, shoving his phone back into his pocket just in time for the school bell to ring. 

✧

His Mum fills in the missing details once he arrives home; that they’re having a dinner at a pasta restaurant around 40 minutes from their place. Felix doesn’t think he can do it, though he feels he should be more confident since the familys Australian too, but the way his Mum smiles at him as she checks her outfit out in the mirror, reminds him of why he wears this mask. He can’t disappoint his parents, it’s something he lives by. Being a pride for his parents is all he has wanted since he moved here. So, he sucks it up. He showers and picks an outfit he sees to be appropriate, though it mostly consists of his least favourite clothes. He gels his hair back, something he hasn’t done since he was home in Sydney and sprays a tiny bit of cologne. Not that he needs to do any of this, but it gives him what he thinks is a sense of purpose, so he does anyway. As he is ready to leave the room, he glances at his desk for a moment, heart pulling when he thinks about the disappointing fact he didn’t see Jeongin today. Even though he had expected to see him at school, he did plan on visiting the building on the way home, but that plan was eliminated the second his Mum had texted him about meeting the fellow Australians. He didn’t want to accidentally be late, even if his Mum didn’t really give details. 

The drive there was, as you could imagine, nerve wracking for Felix. Expectedly, those nerves only soared as he entered the restaurant by his Mum’s side. Scanning the room for the family is useless because he’s never seen them before, but it doesn’t stop his eyes from jumping around the other people. His hands pull at his shirt and eventually they come to a stop at a table and the two come into his vision. Naturally, it’s the boy that Felix’s eyes land on. He’s much bigger than Felix, muscle wise, though he doesn’t seem like he would be much taller. He has pale skin, which surprises him since he was supposed to be from Australia and Felix had expected some kind of tan. His hair is black and fluffy, soft curls sprouting throughout. As the boy turns to acknowledge Felix and his Mum, Felix notices his small eyes. They are curved and soft, along with his thick lips that turn upright into a wide smile. He stands in front of him, as does his mother, and they greet them. Felix stumbles to greet back, smile reflecting the other boy’s. They eventually sit down, and the introductions commence. Chan, his name is. Chan Bang or Chris, as he insisted. Felix feels his hands loosen the grip on his shirt when he notices this whole time through introductions, they had been speaking English. Somehow he failed to notice, but now he did, his happiness skyrocketed. Felix managed to speak for himself and told him his name, both Felix and Yongbok, though he did let them know that Felix was preferred. To that his Mum put her hand on his back, laughing as she told them that her little Felix wasn’t yet used to Korea. Chan’s head flew back as he laughed, catching Felix by surprise. 

“Don’t even worry, dude. It took me ages to get used to living here. It’s pretty different, huh?” Chan begins. 

There’s something about the way he speaks. Maybe it’s because, simply put, it’s in English. But Felix knows it’s more than that. There’s something calming about it. It’s warm, like a hug from someone you know cares about you. Yet strong, like a punch to break down your walls, and at this point in time, Felix is beginning to feel it. His ears burn at the embarrassment that he is this easy to get through to, but he pushes the unnecessary emotion aside and builds up a response.

“Uh, yeah.” Is all he gets out before he bursts out an awkward laugh, causing the rest to laugh along with him.

His mum butts in and begins rambling about things Felix did back at home, Chan and his mother conversing with ease. Felix feels a bit of shame, but both him and his Mum know that eventually he will get over his initial fear and chat away, but for now he lets them talk. As he listens, he sees Chan staring at him, sending him a small smile when they make eye contact. Felix smiles back and he feels thankful. He knows he has done nothing at this point, but he has a feeling he can rely on the boy sitting across from him. 

They order their food shortly after the beginning of their conversation, arriving at the table not long after that. Felix thanks his Mum silently for making their first meeting at a restaurant because eventually it’s time to eat and that leaves no time to ask Felix questions that he needs about two hours to think about. Once their dishes are almost finished, Felix decides to make a move, bringing up the swimming that his Mum initially told him about. 

Chan claps his hands together, a bright smile on his face.

“Yeah! I did a lot of swimming back in Aus, and you know, of course I had trouble starting here, but I found a small swimming pool near where we first lived. I joined, made friends, and started to feel more comfortable. It was a while ago now, but I still swim there these days.” 

Felix nods along as he listens to Chan talk. Chan’s mother lightly slaps his shoulder.

“Why do you pretend that you only swim there? He coaches there too!” She announces, mainly to Felix.

Felix’s mouth opens slightly in surprise. Chan smiles and rolls his eyes bashfully.

“Yeah, yeah, okay. I coach there sometimes. I have my own little group and well, I was thinking that you could come join, Felix! It’s a small group, only a couple of other boys, but they’re really cool and I think you’ll like them. If I’m remembering correctly, they might go to your school, but I’m not too sure.” 

Felix finds himself nodding before Chan is even finished speaking. He can feel his Mum’s smile without having to look at her, but this decision is different. Felix feels it inside of himself, something tugging towards Chan and swimming. It’s something he enjoys, and somehow through just listening to Chan speak, he trusts that it’ll be worth his time. Chan notices Felix’s nodding and laughs, pulling his hand out and thrusting a fist in front of Felix. Felix laughs at how odd it feels right at this moment, but at the same time it feels deserved, and he bumps their fists together.

The rest of the night seems to go fast, even though it did end early due to the two boys having school the next day, but also because he had fun. For the first time in months, Felix can surely say he had a good time. He slowly had opened up a little more, comfortable to have a side conversation with just him and Chan while their Mum’s had talked also. Chan led most of the conversation, his confidence oozing from every pore, though Felix could tell he wasn’t cocky and instead very warm hearted. He made Felix laugh and spoke carefully, as if to not make him uncomfortable or overstep any boundaries. They bonded over living in Sydney, though Chan hadn’t been there as recent as Felix. Felix found out that Chan was only three years older than him and in his last year in high school. Unfortunately they didn’t go to the same school, but he was informed that some of the boy’s from the swimming group did; their names being Jisung, Changbin and apparently another boy, but Chan had mumbled the rest of the sentence and Felix felt too shy to ask him to repeat it. Jisung was Felix’s age and they had probably bumped into each other at least once, whereas Changbin was just a year older. Chan briefly mentioned the other boys too but said he would just have to wait until they met at the pools. 

The night came to an end, and Felix almost felt disappointed. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally, but a part of him didn’t want their time to end. He was happy and he wanted to stay. They said their goodbyes, but not before Chan entered his number into Felix’s phone, becoming his first official contact in Korea. Felix giggled when Chan called the number, placing a voicemail and pretending that he was a ‘Chan clone’ coming to kill himself. It was really stupid but even really stupid didn’t matter. Felix felt so, so warm. 

In the car ride home, both Felix and his Mum couldn’t stop smiling, their happiness bouncing off each other. 

“So… I’m guessing that didn’t go as bad as you expected?” His Mum asked, breaking the silence after a while. 

Felix felt laughter bubble up in his throat as he shook his head.

“No. Nah, it was… It was really good. Thanks,” He says softly. 

His Mum smiles, reaching over to pat his hand. When they arrive home, they fill in Felix’s Dad the details of the dinner as he exaggeratedly fakes jealousy. Felix shakes his head and announces he is going to bed, bidding them both a good night. Once in his room, he flops down onto his bed face first, a small smile lingering on his face. 

After wasting a short amount of time being weird and smiling to himself, he changes clothes quickly, thinking how he will shower in the morning, the exhaustion taking over. When the lights are off, his breathing calm as he is about to fall asleep, his heart drops, his body turning cold. 

“He said he would stay.”


	3. And Leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there is mistakes, no there aren't  
> jks i'll fix them eventually hehe

Laughter echoed throughout the dim room, a splash of water following each time. 

“I said you’re it! Ya! Hyunjin-ah, play properly!”

“What? You’re still it! Not me!”

“Yeah Jisung hyung, I didn’t see you tag him yet.”

“Wow, Seungmin. I thought you were on my side. You’re just a traitor.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t believe someone like Seungmin. I saw you tag him, don’t worry.”

More splashing and more laughter. 

“If you kids can’t play fairly, then take this as punishment!”

A large splash of water sprays throughout the room as a boy jumps in, body balled together for greater impact. Through the occasional choking and gasps, the volume of laughter grows. One specific squeak of happiness stays outside the pool, laughing softly on the side. 

“C’mon Innie, you should get in with us. You’ll have fun!”

✧

Felix lies on his bed, back pressed against the now drenched sheets. His body twitches, fabric held in his hands so tight that his knuckles glow white. Tears fall down his face as his stare at the ceiling, unable to look away. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t look away. He’s freezing, sore and most noticeably, scared. Upon those last words, ‘you’ll have fun’, everything breaks, and his hands let go of the sheets. Instantly, Felix cries out in pain and fear, curling into a ball. He shakes furiously, pulling the blankets up around him as he cries. He hears his Mum enter is room, asking him what’s wrong, but his eyes are screwed shut as he tries to stop everything he’s feeling. She holds him and eventually the pain stops and he’s too exhausted to be scared, allowing him to fall asleep. 

When he wakes, his mother is gone, though he can hear her in the kitchen. He whips his head around and looks out the window, the afternoon sun shining through. His heart aches as he puts two and two together; his mum had taken the day off to monitor him. He pulls the blanket off him, seeing the towel beneath his body and around him. He frowns and gets up. As he enters the kitchen, his Mum hears him and turns around, a concerned smile on her face. He sits at the kitchen table and smiles back. He feels weak and he thinks she knows that, but she asks anyway.

“How are you feeling?”

He shrugs. “Tired. Sore…” He shrugs again.  
She nods and pulls out a cold-water bottle from the fridge along with a bowl and some pills. She leaves the bowl on the counter and walks over to give Felix the medicine and water. She pats his hair as he takes it with no complaints, frown forming on her face. She walks back behind the bench, pouring the bowl into a pot on the stove. 

“I think it was food poisoning… Did you vomit beforehand?” 

Felix knows in every part of his body that it wasn’t food poisoning but what was he meant to tell her? He had some weird dream of a bunch of boys in a pool and then his body shut down? No way. It was food poisoning.

He looked away from her eyes and nodded, “Yeah. It was mainly liquid though... I haven’t vomited since.” He lies. 

She nods. For the next couple of minutes, they were in silence, Felix fiddling with his fingers. His mum comes to his side eventually, a bowl of warm soup and a smaller bowl of rice now in front of him. She hands him a spoon and chopsticks. 

“Just eat what you can, baby. If it makes you feel sick and you want something else, let me know,” She kisses his forehead. “I’ll be in the study so call out if you need me.”

Once she’s gone, Felix sighs. He chugs the rest of the water from the bottle and places it down on the table, thoughts racing through his mind; like, what the actual fuck happened? He has an idea of where he can get answers from, but that source he had only met less than 24 hours before. Chan had been in the dream, bombing a group of boys in a pool. The walls of the room had looked familiar to him, so that made some sense, and he supposes that dreaming of Chan was also normal considering it was the first person he had befriended in months. But getting sick? Being stuck, being in pain and sweating? That wasn’t normal and something in him felt that Chan would know answers. The second source of finding information was something much more eerie, and he knew by both name and face. The boy outside of the pool was non other than Jeongin from the abandoned building. 

Felix decides he will go to him first, not wanting to weird Chan out by asking random questions about his stupid dreams. He slowly eats the soup and rice, not finishing but it was enough to fill him. He left it on the table before slipping out of the house, deciding not to bother his mum about it. If she asks later, he is sure he will make something up and she will pretend to believe it. It doesn’t matter right now, what matters is finding out the answer to why his body is hurting so bad because of some dream. 

✧

When he arrives out the front of the building, it feels colder than usual. He almost finds himself trembling as he did the night before, but he pushes forward and enters the building. He did think that the boy would probably still be at school and wouldn’t be here, but something else is telling him that assuming that is incredibly wrong. The building is dark as usual, yet more silent. It almost makes Felix think Jeongin isn’t here, but he is proved wrong when he hears the soft sound of splashing. Felix chest aches as he hears it. It’s the same sound from last night. Felix walks through the first room and pass the concrete wall. He looks around, back beginning to sweat. He can’t see Jeongin, or any shadow that would make him believe he was there. He stands and listens, hoping the sound of splashing will come again no matter how much it hurts him to hear. He listens and hears it again, this time accompanied by a laugh, the same he heard from last night and he knows it’s Jeongin’s. He sees the door on his left and runs towards it, pushing the door open with too much force than needed. The door opens with ease and he finds himself in the dark. What had he expected? A bunch of boys laughing in a pool and Jeongin off to the side? The honest answer is yes. 

He closes his eyes and sighs, running his hands through his hair. He’s losing his mind.  
The laugh comes again, and Felix’s eyes open instantly, this time the room glows blue. Jeongin is there. He’s sitting at the edge of an empty pool, feet swinging around in the air as if they are in water. His head is hanging down, staring into the empty pool, laughing. Felix wants to move towards him, but he can’t. His feet won’t move. Instead he is forced to watch him as he stares at nothing, laughing at nothing, splashing in nothing. He looks… insane. And Felix can feel his pain.

“Jeongin,” He calls, voice cracking. 

He hears him, his smile dropping as his legs stop swinging. He turns his head slowly to face Felix. He moves from the edge of the pool and walks towards Felix.

“Hi Felix.” He greets, walking past him and out of the room. 

Felix almost laughs in shock. Jeongin had walked out as if nothing had happened, like Felix didn’t just watch him laugh into an empty pool that. Felix raises his eyebrows and follows Jeongin out, his eyes adjust to the lighter room. He watches Jeongin walk around the room, swinging his arms back and forth. Felix is more than confused. Why is he acting so normal? It makes Felix doubt his own mind again, but he grips onto his shirt and reassures himself that this is all real. Jeongin leans back onto his heels, staring at Felix with his hands shoved into his pants pockets.

“So…” Jeongin begins singing. “What’re you doing?” 

They stare at each other for a moment, Felix almost forgetting why he was here in the first place. He steps closer and scratches the back of his neck, tugging on his hair as he tries to bring the courage to tell him about his dream. He decides to take the long way around. 

“You wear your uniform often,” Felix starts and Jeongin raises an eyebrow, relaxing back onto his feet properly.   
He hums and nods in reply. Good start Felix, good start.

“You know, I go to that school too…” He tries again.

This time Jeongin smiles widely, hands coming out of his pockets to clasp together.

“Oh! That’s great.” 

Another moment passes, Jeongin doesn’t speak anymore than that, though he remains smiling and staring at Felix. Felix gulps and avoids his eyes, searching around the room as his hands begin to sweat and he runs out of ways to begin what he really wants to say. 

“I don’t really have any friends there though,” Felix says, still avoiding eye contact.

Jeongin frowns and waits for Felix to continue. 

“Maybe we can hang out at lunch or something?” He asks, sending a quick glance at Jeongin to both make sure he is still there and is still listening.   
Jeongin smiles, not as big as before but still smiling. He hums again, though this time he looks away as if thinking. He thinks and he thinks, eventually just looking at Felix again   
with that smile on his face. Frustration itches at Felix’s scalp and he runs his hand through his hair.

“I heard you. Last night.” 

Jeongin’s smile drops. This time not out of pity or confusion. Instead, the corners dip down and Jeongin’s eyes grow into wide balls of darkness. Felix watches as they shine through the pitch black, tears glossing over them. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, but he does know he has finally gotten through to him. Jeongin knows what Felix is talking about. Felix doesn’t want to see Jeongin like this; though he doesn’t know him at all, he doesn’t mean to hurt him. But Felix is hurting too, and he needs to know why; he needs to know so badly that he has to put the other boy’s feelings aside. Felix takes a step forward, Jeongin mirroring him and taking a step backwards. Felix doesn’t respond to his caution, taking several steps towards him until Jeongin’s back is pressed against a wall.

“I just need to know why, okay Jeongin? Why did I hear you?” He asks.

Jeongin stares wide eyed, mouth open slightly yet enough for Felix to see his braces. Again, he is standing close enough to be able to feel Jeongin’s warmth, but he can’t. All he feels is cold air. Felix shoves that thought to the back of his mind, it isn’t important. 

“Why could I see you?” He pleads, voice breaking for the second time today.

Jeongin finally looks away first, head hanging down. Felix can see his chest shake, though he hears nothing come from the boy. The frustration Felix feels grows, spreading throughout his head and into his chest. Why won’t he just answer him? 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Jeongin mutters. 

Felix sighs and takes a step back, head rolling to the side. He throws his hands up in disbelief. 

“I’m not stupid!” He shouts. 

Jeongin doesn’t flinch and his head doesn’t move. He stays standing in the exact same position and refuses to look at Felix. He needs to change his approach. He sighs again, this time softer. He kneels down in front of Jeongin, looking up at him from below. Jeongin’s eyes are screwed shut, mouth pursed tightly. Felix’s heart aches. He doesn’t know why or how, but this is hurting the boy. Perhaps more than it hurts him. Felix tries to find the words, preparing to ask him again though this time nicer and with more precaution in his words. He knows with all his heart that Jeongin will understand what he is struggling with, but he fails to get Jeongin to acknowledge it. Maybe I should have gone to Chan, Felix thinks. He fiddles with his fingers, looking up at Jeongin again with pleading eyes. 

“C’mon Innie,” Felix begins, but he cuts himself off when Jeongin jolts back, eyes now wide open. 

Felix stands instantly, arms up in defence. He stutters to ask Jeongin what’s wrong, to apologise, to take back this expression on Jeongin’s face as it turns sour.  
His eyebrows furrow but he’s smiling, it makes Felix feel sick. He begins to laugh, though it isn’t the light airy laugh Felix had heard a couple of times before. This laugh was harder, stabbing Felix each time. He finds himself becoming the one to take steps backwards, the room becoming darker with every new step. His heart pounds, not able to break eye contact with the boy in front of him. It was a mistake coming here, he knows fully he should have gone to Chan. Why did he come here? He’s so fucking creepy! He should have never talked to him. 

Jeongin stops laughing and the room becomes lighter, as it was originally. A billion thoughts run through Felix’s mind, a headache coming on. 

“Sorry.” Jeongin says, voice raspy from having laughed so hard. 

Felix’s eyes are wide, barely hearing what Jeongin is saying to him over the sound of the pounding in his chest. Felix shakes his head, no longer wanting this conversation to continue. 

“I’m sorry.” He repeats, this time sounding like his normal self, only smaller. 

Jeongin tries to lock eyes with Felix again, his eyes softer than before. The black of his eyes haven’t changed since the first time he met him, but that odd emotion Felix saw just a second ago, was gone completely. It didn’t calm the boy down, but his guilt began to subside. Jeongin looks away and Felix lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  
Jeongin’s knees buckle in front of Felix, the boy giving in and collapsing against the wall, a sigh coming out as he does. His head hits the wall lightly and his lips turn down in a frown. He rolls his head around before hanging it to look down into his lap, where he holds something in his hands. Felix wipes the sweat from his hands onto his pants and cautiously walks towards the boy, the object in his hand becoming clearer the closer he gets. It’s the ring from last time. Felix knows that Jeongin can see it, but he doesn’t hide it away this time. Felix stands at his side, slowly crouching down next to the boy. When Jeongin turns to look at Felix, he hopes that his flinch isn’t noticeable, but Jeongin smiles at him anyway. Felix tries to smile back, the anxiety zooming through his body making it slightly harder to do without it twitching. Jeongin doesn’t seem to mind. He looks back down at his ring and Felix sits down on the floor completely, the cold concrete uncomfortable on his butt. 

“This is mine,” Jeongin whispers, fingers twirling the ring around. 

Felix hums. “I know.” 

He can see Jeongin smile.

“It was a gift.” Jeongin says.

Felix waits a moment for Jeongin to continue but he doesn’t. He wants to ask who it is from, but Felix has learnt his lesson when asking questions. It’s better for Jeongin to bring things up first. It may take a while to get the answers he wants, but for some reason he trusts it’ll all come together eventually.

“I didn’t know.” Felix states simply, hoping this will get Jeongin to continue the conversation.

“It’s from a hyung of mine. My best hyung.” Jeongin informs, smile not leaving his face. 

Felix thinks of something to say, but to his surprise, Jeongin continues on his own. 

“He took good care of me. We were a group, me and my hyungs. But he took the best care of me. He wanted me to be safe and to have fun.” The smile lingers but his eyebrows turn in, almost like before but Felix can feel the sadness in this look, unlike the anger from before.

Jeongin looks up at him again, eyes shining. Felix holds his breath again. 

“You can relax you know,” He laughs. 

Felix lets out his breath, embarrassed that his stress was so noticeable. 

“I’m sorry,” Jeongin says for the third time. “Just… Please don’t call me… That.” 

Felix internally smacks himself in the head; he was going to double check that ‘Innie’ was the name he wasn’t allowed to call him. As if he wasn’t just asked not to call him that. Instead, Felix tightens his lips into a straight line, nodding and looking down.

“Hyung called me that.” 

Courage builds up in Felix and before he knows what he’s doing, he’s asking what the hyung’s name is. The lighting in the room doesn’t change and Jeongin hasn’t left. Instead he continues to stare at the ring, humming as he thinks. 

“Chris,” He laughs. 

Dread pools inside of Felix, ignoring Jeongin’s playful behaviour. 

Chris. Surely Chris Bang. Chan Bang. How many Chris’ live around here? How many Chris’ end up in Felix’s weird dreams that also have Jeongin in them? Only one. Felix stands, moving away from Jeongin, who stares up at him in confusion. 

“I don’t think we should talk anymore. I won’t come back here.” He states, attempting to stand strong. 

He knows he’s making a big deal out of everything, but with Chan in his life, he has hopes of being happier, and he doesn’t want this weird sad kid ruining it for him. Jeongin stands too, shoving the ring in his pocket with worried eyes.

“What? Why? Did I do something wrong just now?” 

Felix shakes his head.

“I don’t want to be your friend.” He states. 

Jeongin scoffs in disbelieve.

“Who said I wanted to be your friend?” Jeongin shoots back.

He turns and heads for the door, stopping right in front of it. His head hangs low. He turns back towards Felix, glaring at him before storming off back into the far room with the pool. Felix chooses to ignore him and whatever he was just doing, walking out of the building, and leaving it far in his tracks; both physically and mentally.   
When he arrives home, his Mum is still in the study, nothing making him think she noticed he was gone. He shuffles back into his room, closing the door softly behind him. He glances at his desk, Korean study books spread over it. He sighs, walking towards it. He picks up the abundance of books and shoves them under his desk. He doesn’t have a real need for it anymore, effort on Jeongin long gone. They hardly knew each other anyway, and Felix had a new friend now. He didn’t need him. He sat on his bed, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He saw he received a text half an hour ago from Chan. He smiled and opened it. 

“Hey dude! Heard you were sick last night ): Sorry. When you’re feeling better let me know so I can get you down to the pool to meet the guys and have some fun hahaha. – Chan. (Just in case you hadn’t saved yet.)” 

Felix laughed softly at his weirdness, mind wandering to how Jeongin had laughed talking about him. He slapped his face lightly and began texting a reply.

“HI!” Felix groaned and deleted it. Desperate much.

“Hey hyung!” Was the hyung necessary? They are texting in English. He groans again. He should have asked at the dinner. He doesn’t delete it, and continues, preferring to be safe rather than sorry.

“Hey hyung! Yeah TT_TT I must have something bad yesterday. Feeling much better now! Let me know when you want to do it and I’ll let my mum know. :D” And sent.   
A slight twinge of embarrassment sits on Felix’s shoulders, but overall, he feels good. He will only make good memories from now on, excited to start his new life. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rn jeongin and felix are just hot and cold but i promise after this things will settle down   
> for a little while at least >:) heheheheheh


	4. First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi hehe. i hope everyone is enjoying  
> quick update before i sleep hehe   
> havent done any proofreading sorry   
> enjoy :DDDD

School moved along as usual. Felix would have trouble understanding most of the work, earning help from the teachers, and still failing to make friends. Anytime he thought he had succeeded in making a friend, they would pretend not to know him the next day or tell him they had just felt bad for him and weren’t looking for new friends. It was easier now, though. He struggled slightly less due to home study and the change to speaking Korean at home, and even if he didn’t make friends at school, he had Chan by his side. After school hours, that is. 

When the time finally comes, Felix is on his way to the swimming pools to meet with Chan. It had been two weeks after they had first met, and they were both eager to get Felix into the pool and making some friends. He was anxious as usual, as his Mum drives him there. He was more than ready to begin swimming again and he was way more than ready to make some friends. But what if he wasn’t what they expected? What if he wasn’t an incredibly good swimmer in comparison? What if they all spoke in the most sophisticated version of Korean, that Felix wouldn’t be able to decipher if his life depended on it. What if they didn’t even want a new friend and it was just Chan tricking him? He shook his head at the last thought. Out of all the crazy thoughts he could come up with, Chan being a bad guy seemed impossible. 

A slender hand shakes Felix’s leg, pulling him away from his thoughts. He looks up at his Mum, who he assumes was trying to talk to him. He hums, showing his attention.

“This was the old swimming pools, you know. Where Chris went to.” She points out the window. 

Felix looks out to where she is talking about. Outside the window stands the abandoned building Felix had been to only a dozen times since coming here. He notices his Mum drive slower as they pass it, taking time to look. Felix gulps, not wanting to remember who could possibly be in there. Not wanting to think about what could have happened if he had stayed. 

“You can see the old banners and everything. Look, Lix.” 

He tears his eyes away from his hands in his lap to obey his Mum, but instantly regrets it. The banners hang beside empty and cracked windows. Windows Felix sees a figure in. He whips his head back down to his lap, luckily without his Mum noticing. His heart begins to pound in his chest, and not because of the anxiety of making new friends. It isn’t hard for Felix to tell what the figure was, and he doesn’t want to feel how he feels about said figure. He knew it was Jeongin and he doesn’t care. He can’t afford to care. He doesn’t want to ruin what he has going, even if it means shutting out the first person that accepted him. It doesn’t matter. He looks out the other window, his hands interlocking tightly to try and ease his anxiety.

“Yeah, it’s crazy.” He mumbles in late reply.

✧

Now he was standing outside of the pool building, he mentally decided having friends was so not worth the stomach pain he had right now. His Mum had dropped him off at the entrance, leaving him to fend for himself. Honestly, he could have caught a bus here on his own, but since his Mum offered to take him, and it wouldn’t cost him a cent (personally) he decided to accept the offer. He loves his Mum anyway, how could he say no. But yet again, he wishes he did say no. He wishes he pretended to get on a bus and then took it to the airport and from the airport just went straight home to his old friends so he didn’t have to almost shit his pants making new ones. He sighs and swings his bag onto his back, wiping his sweaty palms onto his board shorts. 

‘You’ve come this far, Felix, you can take a few more steps.’ He thinks. 

And he does. He takes a few steps, not even inside the building, before someone is shouting his name. 

“Felix! Oi, Felix!” 

Felix turns his head to the source of the sound, spotting Chan. He smiles, instantly warm at the other boy’s presence, though that warmth washes away quickly when he sees other boys behind him, small smiles on their faces. Felix manages a wave as they grow closer to him.   
Only two boys trail behind. One is smaller than both Chan and Felix, though evidently much thicker, his shirt hugging his arm muscles tightly. He has tight, round cheeks and small facial features. Dark hair sticks to his forehead, black cap holding it down. The boy to his side is taller than them, though he has the babiest face Felix has ever seen. He has round, wide eyes and thick lips, turned down into a straight line. He is slim, dressed in a cute sweater that makes Felix’s eyebrows raise. It’s not everyday he sees people dress as this boy does when they’re about to swim, though Felix can assume it’s a Korean thing. Chan looks handsome as always, black curly hair sticking up in all directions, and his muscles now hidden by a black hoodie, also a little unusual for swimming but oh well. He looks good.   
They now stand in front of Felix, the boy who is about to turn into embarrassed goo and melt into the ground, so these introductions never have to begin. Chan quickly pulls Felix in for a hug, the younger boy too flustered to do anything but stand there. Chan pulls away, though his hand stays on Felix’s shoulder, gripping tightly. He turns to the other boys and points to the taller one with his towel that he had been holding. 

“Felix, this is our baby Seungmin. Seungmin, Felix.” 

Felix’s eyes widen as Chan speaks, mainly because it was in English. Chan laughs at the boy’s face, as does Seungmin. Felix just looks between the two, waiting for an explanation. 

“I’m learning English if you were wondering. Nice to meet you.” Seungmin informs, holding his hand out to Felix. 

Felix wipes his hand on his shorts, once again, before taking the other’s hand, shaking it and bowing slightly. 

“Nice to meet you too.” He replies, earning raised eyebrows and an ‘o’ expression from the other boy, most likely from the differences in vocal tones. 

Seungmin’s voice was much higher and softer, which Felix thinks reflects his looks well. Felix was both shocked and not, when he had seen Seungmin’s laugh just a few seconds earlier. His mouth had stretched wide, exactly like a baby, and made him look much younger than Felix could believe.   
Another hand grips Felix’s as he pulls away from Seungmin’s. He looks to the shorter boy, nervous smile on his face. The other boy smiles wide, Felix hearing Chan giggle in the background. 

“I’m Changbin,” Now in Korean again, “Your voice is really deep.” 

“You didn’t have to say it. You just met him, hyung. Don’t be weird.” Seungmin says, smacking Changbin’s arm. 

Changbin’s hand drops from Felix’s and turns into a fist by his side. Felix watches as Changbin’s lips turn into a pout.

“How am I being weird? You’re the weird one!” He whines loudly at Seungmin, almost puffing his chest out a little bit. 

Seungmin smiles softly, rolling his eyes and looking away. A sudden breath by Felix’s ear makes the boy jump slightly, relaxing slightly when he sees Chan has moved closer to him, ears burning. 

“You’ll have to get used to this. I bet you’ll never seen boys argue as much as you’ll see the kids do.” 

Felix finds himself laughing. He can tell that there’s no actual harm in what they’re saying, and he kind of looks forward to hearing more. Chan squeezes Felix’s shoulder before whacking him on the back. 

“Let’s get inside. The other kids are probably waiting for us.” 

Changbin huffs as Chan pulls him by the shoulder too, Seungmin standing by Felix’s side as the four of them walk inside the building.

✧

In the change rooms, Seungmin and Chan strip from their outer clothing that Felix had found unusual, into board shorts similar to Felix and Changbin’s. They had easily carried a conversation, Felix cutting in here and there with ease. He had faith in this new group, and he felt calm understanding the Korean Changbin spoke, even attempting to speak English to Felix a few times but was quickly shut down by Seungmin who suffered second-hand embarrassment.

“C’mon man, I’m so good man.” Changbin had yelled. 

Felix’s face was already hurting from laughing so much, stomach pain almost unnoticeable even though he hadn’t met all the boys yet. Once dressed, they put their belongings into lockers and walked through the opposite door out to the pools. He followed Chan, who led them to a pool in the far corner of the building. From afar he could see a couple of boys already in there, swimming laps back and forth. As they neared closer, they had stopped swimming and one climbed out of the pool to greet them. 

They stood in front of the pool, though he noticed Changbin had been walking much slower than the rest. Felix waited for Chan to introduce him again, but it wasn’t happening. He saw the boy who was out of the pool watch Changbin walk towards them, a sinister smirk on his face. He slapped one of the boys that was now getting out of the pool on the chest, leaning down to speak to him. The boy looked small, hair a bit longer than the rest with wide round eyes and puffy cheeks, similar to a squirrel. 

“Help me get Changbin,” The guy with the smirk said, loud enough that Felix knew Changbin heard. 

Instantly, Changbin whines and stopped walking, arms turned into himself as he shakes his head rigorously. The smaller boy laughs and walks with the other towards the begging Changbin. 

“Jisung-ah don’t do this to your hyung. I’ll do anything,” He pleads. “I haven’t even dipped my feet in yet.” 

The boys ignore him, the smaller boy reaching for Changbin’s ankles, the taller grabbing his arms. Changbin thrashes, screaming out. Felix looks around nervously, worried about possible trouble it could cause. The three get closer to the pool, and Chan leans towards Felix again.

“Don’t worry dude, they do this every time. Changbin deserves it.” 

Felix relaxes, watching as they throw Changbin into the water with a splash. The other boy still in the pool stands and laughs, eyes closed to avoid the water. He has long blonde hair that sticks to his shoulders, wet tan skin contrasting. Pouting Changbin pulls himself out of the pool, long haired boy following shortly. Felix just stands and watches as the other boys laugh, still anxiously waiting for the introductions. 

The squirrel looking boy shoves his way towards Felix, a wide goofy smile on his face, his partner in crime trailing beside him. The shorter boy holds his arms out, hand inclined towards Felix to indicate an oncoming handshake.

“Wassup man! My name is Han Jisung, wassup.” He whacks Felix’s small hand as he speaks in English and Felix feels a small smile tug at his lips. 

“Hi, I’m Felix.” 

“Ya, you’re so embarrassing. I thought you could speak better English than that.” The other boy says, shoving Jisung out of the way. “Hyung~” The boy whines in return. 

“I’m Lee Minho.” Nodding a small bow in. 

Felix bows back rapidly, stuttering out a hello in Korean. He looks back up and sees the blonde-haired boy has joined them too, a teethy smile on his face. 

“I’m Hyunjin.” He starts in Korean, “Nice to meet you.” Now in English.

“Nice to meet you.” Felix replies.

His stomach feels warm, though he is shirtless in the crisp air. Already in 10 minutes, these boys have made more effort for Felix than anyone else has. Well, besides Jeongin. He shoves those thoughts away again and focuses on the boys in front of him. They begin to bicker between each other over things Felix doesn’t know, but it ends quickly when Chan begins to shove them into the water one by one. They all fall in with little protest, a few small screams before they brace themselves. Felix stands on the edge, laughing at them when he sees Chan turn to him, wide smile on his face. 

“Don’t think you’re free, Felix.” 

Felix yelps, Chan’s hands coming into contact with Felix’s shoulders. Felix lets out one more loud laugh before his feet are stumbling backwards on the floor until there is no more floor and he leans backwards, body falling through the air. He’s smiling even as his body is enveloped in water, finally glad he came here. He opens his eyes in the pool, his feet touching the bottom, ready to push himself back up. He sees the shorts and feet of the others, bending his own knees to push. Behind one’s legs, he sees a figure still in the water, staring back at him. Felix waves his arm at the other boy, wondering who it is still down here. The figure doesn’t wave back, and Felix blows out some bubbles, being under the water longer than he had intended to. The figure moves further away from Felix, and he quickly looks around him. He counts one, two, three, six pairs of legs around him. 

Everyone is on the surface. He whips his head to where the figure was, but sees it now gone. He begins to choke on the water, pushing his feet off the ground and to the surface, where he coughs out water in attempt to breathe. Instantly there are hands on him, pushing him to the edge of the pool as he gasps for air.

“You’re okay, you’re okay.” He can hear Chan reassuring him, worry laced in his voice.

Felix looks around hastily, searching for anyone else in the pool. He counts six others again. Who had he seen? His throat hurts and his eyes burn from being open in the pool too long. He feels his body being pulled out of the water and to the ground outside the pool, all the eyes of the boys on him as Felix catches his breath. They kneel beside him, worry in all of their eyes. Felix feels the shame wash over him. Chan grips onto his shoulders, tears in his eyes.

“I’m so, fuck, Felix I am so, sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. I thought, fuck.” He squeezes his eyes tightly and shakes his head, a single tear falling from his eyes.

“I shouldn’t have pushed you in, I’m so sorry.” 

Felix looks at the boy wide eyed.

“I can swim.” He manages to get out, voice rasp from the coughing. 

Chan looks up at him, eyebrows furrowed and eyes red. 

“What?” He asks.

Felix coughs, clearing his throat in attempt to make it smoother.

“I can swim. It wasn’t your fault. I just accidentally coughed while I was in the water.” 

It’s Hyunjin that’s first to break the silence that follows with a laugh. An awkward and relieved one, but still a laugh. The others follow shortly, and Chan’s head hangs. His shoulders shake and Felix watches him, small smile as he does. It drops though when Chan looks up and he wasn’t laughing like Felix had thought. He had been crying, large tears now streaming down his face rapidly. Felix’s heart drops. He had made Chan cry. The other boys notice quickly, and Minho moves forward to bring Chan’s hands to his own body, both Minho and Changbin pulling Chan up and away from the floor. The three of them walk away, the two boy’s arms around Chan’s shoulders. Felix sits there, wide eyed again. He looks away finally when Jisung is tugging at Felix’s hand, pulling him up from the pool floor. He doesn’t let go of his hand until he has sat Felix back down on nearby chairs. Seungmin hands Felix a bottle of water, which Felix finds ironic since he had just been choking on it but takes it with gratitude anyway. The four boys sit in silence, none of them wanting to talk about what had just happened. Felix can’t help but feel responsible. He made Chan cry! It doesn’t sit right with him, so he decides to speak up first. 

“Can someone tell me… I mean. I don’t know. I’m sorry.” He stammers, trying his best to convey his feelings. 

Hyunjin slaps Felix’s back with his large hand, rubbing slightly once he does. He shakes his head and looks off into the pool, as if that were any answer to Felix. 

Seungmin hums, as if looking for what to say. 

“It’s not your fault, Felix. Channie hyung is just sensitive to, uh, this stuff.” 

Felix goes to clarify what ‘this stuff’ is meant to mean, but he doesn’t. It feels heavy enough, so he leaves it, Hyunjin’s hand falling limp and off of Felix’s body. Felix looks down into his lap, guilt pulling him down. If only he hadn’t had that weird hallucination in the pool. His head snaps up. Hallucination. Of a boy. In a pool. Jeongin.


End file.
